I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
