pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
