if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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