Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
