Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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