i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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