He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
