Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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