My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
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