You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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