More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
