I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
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Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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