I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
