How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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