I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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