walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
