I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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