U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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