i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize