His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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