went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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