grandma shit on top of the toilet
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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