I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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