Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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