Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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