Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
