just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Bring me that man meat
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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