the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
