I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
