sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
