now i know why i became what i already was.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
