I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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