I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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