I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
