apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
