I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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