OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
