it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
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while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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