So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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