The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
