i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
one might say we're banned from that church
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
