Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I know her cup size but not her name....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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