Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
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I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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