u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So much Jack, so little girl.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I just sharted jello shots
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