the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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