Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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