it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
