in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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