Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.

Fav 17 3126 961
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(208): View more from Idaho

I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks

Fav 44 1955 4248
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(727): View more from Florida

I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"

Fav 19 11272 1739
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(205): View more from Alabama

I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.

Fav 9 1342 2642
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.

Fav 9 1612 2267
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(704): View more from North Carolina

The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.

Fav 4 1546 1032
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(440): View more from Ohio

Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...

Fav 3 1177 1023
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works

(843): View more from South Carolina

Too late, I'm convinced it's broken

Fav 0 31 70
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.

Fav 0 60 5
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