I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
