Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
