Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
