I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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