and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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