I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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