That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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