If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
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Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
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can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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