she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
