I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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