please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
