I swear she didn't look like that last week.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
