i may or may not be watching the land before time
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
