HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
