Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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