I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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