I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
