: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
