I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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