Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
