Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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