I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
