this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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