It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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