I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Your penis caused this!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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