I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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