It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
