I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it's great music for shaving your balls
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
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You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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