But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
