Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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