of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
