See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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