i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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