Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
